A lot of the comments on these blogs that are thoughtful really hit the point about women blaming women: most women want to feel like they can do something to prevent being raped. We are told what steps to take to prevent rape, and then we think that as long as we follow those rules, we won't be raped. I'm not claiming I'm different, I'm just saying that's how it is--so there is probably some part of a woman who thinks "but that would never happen to ME because I would never get drunk/get in a car with a man/go outside/____" and thus, victim-blaming.
How I want to describe the problem with rape culture is this:
Imagine that participating in the gender binary is like driving a car. Therefore, everybody is driving at all times. Most people follow the rules of driving MOST of the time (that is, they drive on the right side of the road, they follow traffic lights, they don't drive drunk, they don't cut people off). On occasion, however, somebody breaks a driving rule, and a crash ensues. These crashes can range from fender-benders (unwanted touching) to death by car accident (rape at gunpoint).
The reason I make this analogy is to ask this question: if you knew a girl who was killed in a car accident because a drunk driver swerved across the middle lane, would you say that it was her fault because she didn't have good enough grades, because she once road in a car with another boy, because sometimes she likes to drive barefoot, or blame her for any number of actions she has taken in the past? Obviously, the answer is no (I hope). You would blame the drunk driver and punish that person and educate them on safe driving.
You can't claim that the accident was the girl's fault because she was driving to begin with--people who decide to operate outside of the driving normative by riding a bike or walking could also be struck down by a reckless driver (i.e. transgendered people, homosexual people, young people, old people). Someday everybody has got to get somewhere, and they could be struck by a careless "driver" at any time.
Additionally, in rape culture, young women are raised with lessons about How Not to be Raped, while men (and people) are not taught How Not to Rape. That's the equivalent of giving half of the populate driver's ed, refusing to educate the other half, letting the uneducated half be indoctrinated through societal messages that they should be aggressive drivers, and then blaming the educated half for getting killed in a car accident when the ignorant driver breaks a law.
In short, stop blaming the victim and start blaming the perpetrator. And then take it one step farther and start blaming rape culture.
Here are some links about Rape Culture and the consequences of rape for further enlightenment:
The Not Rape Epidemic
Kelly, your posts on rape culture are always very thought-provoking and I completely agree. I've caught myself doing this very thing..."Well, I wouldn't have gotten that fucked up..." or "I use common sense..." And I realize it's wrong and no one should be raped ever/never no matter what they've done or what they're doing. But it's difficult to not desperately cling to some illusion of control. It's incredibly disturbing to acknowledge the fact that if someone wanted to rape me (or mow me down in their car), they could. Period.
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