urban outfitters reviews of products

One of my favorite pastimes at work is to go on Urban Outfitters and read the reviews that people post of the products. It's stranger than fiction and when I considered parodying it, I decided "Well, fuck. How am I going to make up anything that is funnier than this and isn't just the same thing exactly?" So I've decided to excerpt some samples of UO crazy ass clothing reviews for your perusal:

"I ordered the white, it is sheer but that just adds to the spring time feel. I am 5'6" tall and 115 pounds. 32A. I ordered a small, and it deff runs true to size. It fits me perfectly. I do wish that i would have ordered a medium however, simply for the extra loose look. But it runs true to size in my opinion. If i order another color I will order a medium for the looser fit."

"this top is so versatile and the perfect light button-up for spring and summer! i got it in blue, and with a nude bra, although the top is super sheer, you couldn't see it. i'm petite with a big bust, 5'4'' 120 lbs 30F, and i got a small. i'm on the fence about returning it to get a medium, because it fits, but if i button the second to last button to the top, it's a little tight around my bust. the sizing problem is just preference but other than that it looks great!"

"I have been looking for the perfect oxford shirt for the longest time. In fact, when I bought this blouse, I already had three light blue oxfords that just didn't fit the bill. I think I can call the search off finally! This top has the perfect mix between feminine details like the rounded collar with the best parts of a men's shirt- like the pocket, rolled sleeves, and looser cut. I found that it was the perfect length for tucking in skirts or wearing with jeans. As someone else mentioned, it does have that "stiff" quality to it, but that was always one of the things I liked about men's dress shirts, so I don't mind it. I am 5'8" 132 lbs and I bought the size medium (my typical size). It has a looser fit, but I wouldn't have sized down because it would be too tight across my shoulders, plus, I think that a more masculine fit was the intent of this shirt. Overall, it is very well made and the quality seems so much better than the price tag. I would definitely recommend this oxford, I'm going to scoop up the white while I still can."

"I really like this shirt, I got it in blue xs and I'm about 5'8" + 120 lbs, but it's definitely not a typical tailored women shirt. It being an oxford shirt it has more of a boy shape to it in the body area, also the sleeves are a little lose around the wrist (hence the reason they only show pictures with the sleeves rolled up) but the length is good and I personally like the style. Very dapper and the material is thicker and well constructed (like it's not going to disintegrate after a few washings)"

"This is an amazing shirt. I'm 5'3, 110 and ordered an XS. It fits perfectly and will be a perfect button up for spring and summer."

"I loved this shirt online, but when it arrived in the mail and I tried it on it didn't fit well. I was surprised because it was too small on my chest- I'm 5'5", 115-120 pounds and a 34 A, and the xs was really tight around the bust and really loose everywhere else. It was also really short. I loved it though, it's really pretty, so maybe if you have an even smaller bust and a fuller waist/hip area I'd recommend it."

"I bought this in red yesterday and I want more colors.
I am 4'11, 105 lbs, 32C. The XS fits me perfectly. It isn't too short for me to wear with jeans, and it is really flattering even with no bra.
I wore it out last night and felt great, but it could also easily be dressed up or down.
I highly recommend it."

"I love this top sooo much. I ordered the red floral and although it looks nothing like the picture it is the cutest shirt! I find reasons to go out so I can wear it. Don't get it if you want one exactly like the picture because you most likely won't get one that looks like that but i recommend get it its comfortable and chic. Im 5'8" 120 lbs and i got small/medium, fits perfectly, tad short but not a big deal. GET IT"

"I got this in the mail in the floral print and although it looks nothing like the one in the picture is super cute! I wore it out to dinner the first night I had it! It turned out to but a pink floral shirt. Its a little bigger than i thought it was going to be, in 120 lbs, 5'8" and got a small and its a little baggy but not a big deal its still soooo adorable."

"I LOVE UO silk shirts. I got this shirt in the washed gray. I am 5'2 and about 112 lbs and I got a Medium. I usually like my shirts long and a bit loose. I alsoI fit the small and it fitted perfectly, the only thing is that it is a bit short so that's why I got the medium instead."

Ok so I included a lot of examples. If you made if through all of them I applaud you--that is some seriously drecky stuff (holler at your girl, Andre Leon Talley!) The more I read on Urban, the more I am beginning to think that either they have paid copywriters who go in and post fake reviews or else all of these chicks have SERIOUSLY drunk the UO Kool-aid. In fact, as I'm writing this, I'm wondering what a review of the Men's clothes looks like. BRB.

I'm back. Here's an example of a men's review:

"The Shirt In Question is great, but the fit may be questionable for some. It jumps from sizes. The small is much snugger, and the medium is a lot bigger. I'm skinny so it fits me, but it' is not good for people with broad shoulders in a small."

So I'm gonna go with...not that different. This is seriously scaring me you guys. Every review has several things in common:

1) the fit wasn't EXACTLY right in some way, but for the most part it was TOTALLY PERFECT

2) Here are my measurements! My shapely bust is like 35 inches and I have a 25 inch waist!
3) I totally ordered an extra-small and it was perfect.

Also, I'm offended that the copy writer feels the need to make it seem like the men just say they are skinny while the women give exact numbers. LADIES--you need to KNOW that if you are 120 pounds and 5'0" that you are FAT.

Urban Outfitters: you've been warned.